Day after the divorce.

Yesterday was the saddest, but most beautiful day of my life. I saw and heard things I've only dreamt of over the past year. It was a fast divorce and we were in and out of the court house in less than an hour. The judge was very nice. It was very hard to hear him ask Bonnie questions I knew she didnt feel right about answering. There was a hesitation in her voice as she cried and answered. The hardest to answer was when he asked if all efforts have been made to save the marriage. It was obvious I had tried, but Bonnie wasnt able to commit to that kind of effort. It wasn't because she didnt love me, its because she just cant. I had to agree to the same questions, and when he asked me if it was right to seperate, I stopped. Every inch of me wanted to say no, but its not what Bonnie wanted so I agreed. The divorce was final.
We left the court and decided to get a drink. We headed back to her grandma's to get her car, and then I finally got to see her apartment.
To be honest, it was great and she had really done a great job decorating it. I was just so sad because she did it all on her own and without me. The cats came right to me, and I missed them so much.
Instead of getting drinks, I brought with me the bottle of wine I bought Bonnie long ago. She quickly opened it, and I poored each of us a glass. We sat at the couches, and barely talked. Each time she would get up to do something, she would come back and sit closer until she was in my arms. Her body felt so perfect in my arms, and I was really starting to regret giving up the fight. I can hardly type now.
I cried so deep as I held her tightly. And she cried too. And then I kissed her, but she didnt stop me. I couldnt believe I was tasting my wife's lips after so long. I wanted to kiss every inch of her body. I wanted to rememorize every thing about her. Her skin was still so perfect, her hair still smelled the same, her kiss still so soft and sensual. Covered in tears and her own hair, she had a fleeting moment of passion and she kissed me, grabbing my head and pulling me towards her as she laid back on the couch, but then she stopped.
There is so much holding her back. I just wish I knew what it was. If I knew that I could have saved us I think. Who am I really kidding. I love this woman with all my heart, and there is no room for anyone else.
I dont remember why but she was laying on her bed, as I peeked through her doorway. I sat next to her when she motioned me to lay next to her. At first she spooned with me, and I felt her press her back and lower body against me. She had to have felt how hard I was. She rolled over and lifted both of our shirts so our warm skin could touch again. I still couldnt believe any of this was happening.
We started kissing again, and then I kissed her all over her neck and then her chest. I lifted her up and removed her shirt and her pink bra. I saw again the most perfect breasts I've ever seen in my life. Even with the scar, they were perfect. I saw the scar and kissed it. It didnt phase me at all. I kissed down her body and tugged at her pants. She wasnt stopping me, and I didnt want to stop. I wanted to make love to my wife regardless of what we were at that moment. I undid her pants and saw the red cotton panties she use to wear when she lived with me. She still looked so hot in a pair of panties.
I had nothing but my pants on and she had only her panties when she grabbed me in between her legs. God it felt so good to press myself against her through her panties. I begged to go down on her because I wanted to taste her and finger her. But she had other plans as she had me roll over onto my back. She straddled me without missing a beat and her box rubbed hard against me through my jeans. She was always so amazing at riding as she moved her hips around. She asked me if it was as good as I remember. I said I wouldnt know until I removed my jeans. When I did it wasnt very long before her panties were pulled to the side and I could feel her bare lips just barely wrapped around my head. She wanted to keep it there and I would have loved to hold it and rub it up and down through her lips and tease her entrance like I use to do. But in a few tries I was inside her. It was shortly after that, that she pulled off of me. I hadnt even been at full erection and I wasnt even in all the way when she stopped. Its funny because I had actually grown since she left. I was now at 7 last I checked and a little thicker, and I wanted her to feel all of it. I wanted to take her from every position until we both came, and we both cried. I wanted that to be a lasting beautiful memory, but she stopped. She said she felt bad for me, but it was the stopping that made me feel worse. Now I feel like she was guilty because she was dating someone, or I wasnt good enough, or she was testing to see if love was still there and when she didnt feel anything, she stopped. I think that is what happened, and she felt bad she didnt feel anything but I obviously did.
We got dressed and said our goodbyes because she was already late for work. Outside as we said our final goodbyes, she said the one thing I had been wanting to hear since she left, "I will always love you." Really, it was the last thing she ever said to me and it will ring in my ears and my heart till the day I die.